


I Should Have Told You

by Hai_l_o_l



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24565249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hai_l_o_l/pseuds/Hai_l_o_l
Summary: ‘Stop.’...The way his fingers moved and the way it felt so good, but, he wanted him to stop....“We should stop...”...Stop.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 111





	I Should Have Told You

**Author's Note:**

> Oikawa is asked to be Iwaizumi’s best man. 
> 
> This is my first one that I’ve written... I hope you enjoy it!!

“Why don’t you understand!” Iwaizumi yelled over the phone as a few tears fell from his eyes. “Answer me!” On the other line, Oikawa couldn’t help but hesitate as his breathing grew shallow, the ticking of the clock making him more and more anxious.

“Just ask someone else!” His sobbing was clear but he still hoped the other hadn’t heard. He hoped he would state the fact that he made a mistake, that he should just be with-

“Oikawa, if you’re not at my own wedding, I will drag you there whether you like it or not.” He wanted to tell him, but how could he? In the moment he had, he blamed himself for all that he ever did, for making such a pitiful mistake.

“Iwaizumi...” he couldn’t use the nickname he had made and called him over the years of knowing him, he had to be formal. The silence was killing him, what should he say? “I love-” no. Don’t say it.

He panicked.

“I can’t.” He hung up without letting the other respond. His knees gave in and his tears were out, his voice breaking as he cried out. The pain was agonizing, more than he could bear. His phone rang in his hand, the caller ID blurred from his tears. Even still, he knew who it was. It was him, the only man he had ever loved, yet was getting married to another. The phone continued to ring as he imagined the aisle, the aisle with a beautiful woman fit for him in an extravagant white wedding dress with a bouquet full of freshly cut flowers, walking down to the groom. 

Sighing, he cleared his throat and answered the call. 

“What do you want?” Trying to be as stern as his voice would give, he heard the hesitant waver in the other’s voice. 

“Please, Oikawa, you are my best friend. I want, no, need you to do the toast.” 

_Friend_...

That word hit him like a bullet. Right then, Oikawa couldn’t handle it anymore. 

“No.” He hung up the phone and stood up to wash his face. When done, he heard three hurried knocks on the door. He knew who it was, so he just walked into his room, closed the door, locked it, and leaned against it. He could hear the muffled sound of his front door opening then closing with a noticeable click. 

“Oikawa...?” The other called out before he knocked on the door, asking him to come out. “I know you’re in there...” Trying the knob to see if the door would open, he continued to knock on the door. “Please Oikawa, come out...” 

Silence...

No knocks, no names, nothing. It was aggravating but he continued to sit and wait for the front door to open and close, his one and only spiker leaving him. 

Moments passed and he decided to open the door. Right then he realized his biggest mistake. 

Iwaizumi was still there outside, his hands now grasping Oikawa’s wrists as he subtly pushed the other onto the bed. A warm liquid soaked up in the former captain’s shirt. 

Tears...?

“Iwa-“

“Oikawa... are you...” he looked at him with brown eyes as each glistened due to his tears. He took a sharp breath. “Are you avoiding me...?” His voice cracked, his breathing shallow. Guilt and regret simply welled up in the other, his fists clenching and relaxing anxiously. 

He looked away. 

“I-I... no. I’m not.” This was his chance. 

“Then do you... hate me?” This was definitely his chance. He had to clear the fact that he wanted to be more than just, what did he say it was? Right... friends. 

Best. Friends. 

“I love, the fact that you’re getting married-“

“Then-“

“But I can’t.” All hope in his eyes escaped. His head now dropping in defeat. 

Oikawa kept avoiding his eyes, his one of many features that he loved about him. He glanced to his right, landing on a blank white wall. 

‘ _I just wasted my chance..._ ’

“What can I do to make you take that offer?” 

_ ‘Don’t be selfish... _ ’

Before he knew it, he was gritting his teeth, wanting to hit himself for wanting something so cruel. 

“Don’t get married.” He knew what he wanted, but he couldn’t accept it.

“I’m sorry...” his eyes subconsciously dropped, he was upset. Why couldn’t his best friend understand his feelings? He just wanted him to take the offer and let it all be done with. So why? Why was he so... selfish? 

“That’s what I thought.” His sigh caught the groom to be’s attention. As he tried to get up, he ended up stopping him, leaving the former captain stuck in a position between lying down and sitting up. 

Eyes filled with determination stared at the drooping eyes in front of him. “Oikawa.” His voice was demanding and full of power. “What...” then soft. “Besides my wedding being canceled, what else do you want?” Now he got his attention. 

‘ _Don’t be selfish..._ ’

Those very words rang in his head to the point where it hurt, so, goddamn, much. 

Even then he moved. He moved his very hands to the cheeks of his beloved and was so close, so very close to placing his very lips on the other. So close, his barely grazed them. 

And almost instinctively did the other reply back. 

But that was it. That was the action which made him realize what he had done. 

Oikawa pushed the other away, now standing by the bed, looking at Iwaizumi with a face written with fear.

But the odd thing was, he could’ve sworn Iwaizumi was okay with it all, okay with... being with another besides his fiancée. 

He ran out, and the other followed. 

The door. The door. Open it and run. That was all that he thought, just run. 

Iwaizumi grabbed his shoulders and Oikawa turned to push him away, but he managed to get ahold of his wrists and pin him down on the ground. 

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” He struggled, he cried, and he felt like rotting. “Get... off... of me...” he continued to sob and suddenly did he stop. 

He stopped when he realized that something was wrong. That something, had been there. 

He finally processed the information. The groom to be, was, kissing him.Their lips parted and all Oikawa could do was mutter his name. 

“Iwa-chan...?” 

No. Why was he doing this? Did he pity him that much? Did he already know? A tear was shed and fled from his eyes. 

“Is that enough for you to take the offer?” Iwaizumi almost whispered. 

‘ _Don’t be selfish._ ’ 

He subtly shook his head, the other not noticing. Before the former spiker could respond, the former setter made it clear. 

“No.” 

‘ _Stop it._ ’ 

Now rang a new sentence. A change for once, but it still hurt. Iwaizumi looked down, wondering what he should do. A hand caught his attention. 

“Kiss me again,” Oikawa hesitated, another set of tears flowing out. He was asking his best friend to betray his lover’s trust, her feelings and yet, as guilty as he felt, he felt nothing.“Kiss me.” 

Iwaizumi glanced over his lips, just silence before he did as the other had asked. At first, his lips simply rested, before his moved, nipping at the other’s. Oikawa responded the same, his tongue now grazing the other’s, until soon enough, both of them were mapping each other’s mouths. 

A few gasps here and there as the groom to be’s hands decided to roam his friend’s body. His left hand supported him as his right hand went under his shirt and up. 

His hands were cold, that’s all Oikawa felt. 

Cold hands. 

Yet all those touches, the soft gentle touches felt like they were on fire. It was hot and stuffy and all felt right in the world, but it was the complete opposite. 

He didn’t care, at least, not in the moment. 

Oikawa responded, his hands roaming the other’s chest. 

‘ _Stop it._ ’

The small voice of reason rang again. His left leg was in between Iwaizumi’s and the other responded by lowering his hips, moving against his leg, and placing his leg closer to him. 

He moved from the lips to the setter’s neck, biting and marking, a feeling of satisfaction blooming. 

‘ _Stop it._ ’ 

The voice kept ringing but that only made him want more. Oikawa’s hands then went from under his shirt to the outside, sliding to his back and clawing, tugging at his shirt, the small bites tickling him. The warmth, the touches, the pleasure was nice, but again the voice of reason rang. 

‘ _Stop_.’ 

Oikawa wanted the voice to stop. He cupped his friend’s face and made eye contact with him, with his olive green eyes. Iwaizumi took note of his brown orbs, staring at him with some concern. But he masked that concern with lust. 

“How far are you willing to go...?” The small whisper seemed to have echoed in his ear. He swallowed, hard. How far  was  he willing to go? He sat up and crossed his arms, reaching for the ends of his shirt. He paused before he made up his mind and took it off. Oikawa simply stared, guilt slowly starting to pool as well as the groom to be. His regret began to solidify. 

He leaned in, kissing him once more, except this time it was rough, messy, and quite frankly, odd. Oikawa wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him back, bringing order to it, making it less messy and out of place. Iwaizumi’s left hand again supported him as his right hand trailed down. 

‘ _Stop_.’ 

He broke the kiss and focused on the way the other touched him. The way his fingers moved and the way it felt so good, but, he wanted him to stop. 

He could feel his tears coming back and his guilt grow. He could feel his regret burst through and yet he didn’t do anything to stop him. He didn’t do anything. 

‘ _What are you doing?_ ’

His hands covered his eyes, tears streamed down as Iwaizumi kissed his neck, not noticing. His right trailed back up to his stomach only for him to stop. He stayed and laid on top of him, not wanting to move on. 

“We should stop,” He spoke up. 

“Yeah,” Oikawa whispered back. 

It hurt. It hurt so much. His heart ached as his tears flowed. Iwaizumi got up and sat next to him, his regret fully showing. 

“I’m sorry,” his friend tried to say. “I’m sorry...” he kept apologizing as his tears continued to flow. “I-”

“If you don’t want to do it it’s fine.” His tears finally stopped. There was no emotion in his voice. None, nothing. 

“What?” An empty word came out, an empty shell that symbolized his entirety. Empty, cold, and dead. 

The long agonizing silence popped up again. 

“I said-”

“I heard what you said!” Iwaizumi kept still while the other quickly sat up, looking for eye contact. “Why give up so quickly?” 

Another silence. 

“When will you realize that I could never stand another to be at your wedding? Where I _should_ be?” His hand clutched his shirt at his chest. “I know! I know I was being selfish! I shouldn’t have done it the hard way but-”

“You’re right! It’s because you’re selfish! But you’re my friend! I can’t...”

He messed up. He should’ve have made a scene. He should have just bottled it up as always. As always, he should’ve just stayed behind the line. 

But he crossed it. 

“I’ll do the toast.” He looked at him with a broken smile. “If you’ll let me, please.” Iwaizumi replied back with a sad smile and nodded. 

“Yeah.”

—

“To the groom! And to the bride,” Oikawa spoke as he raised his glass, pointing with his glass to his friend and then to the beautiful woman sitting next to him. He forced a smile as he could feel a heavy burden on his shoulders. “To my best friend,” he nearly choked. “And to this wonderful woman!” 

She smiled so happily, it hurt. The happy moment buried into his lungs, making it hard to breathe. 

“May they live without any regrets,” he glanced over to Iwaizumi. “And may they continue to love each other, everyday, until death do them part.” He then moved his gaze to his glass. 

He continued on with his toast, blanking as he did so. He even rehearsed and rehearsed, but he still felt it was off, that maybe it wasn’t worthy enough for the two of them. 

A few moments passed, and the toast was over. Tears dropped down from his eyes. Iwaizumi felt terrible as he knew why his childhood friend felt broken, but he held his wife's hand and smiled. 

"And may they live happily forever and on." 

That was it... that's what he ended it with. Iwaizumi smiled sadly. He mouthed out words Oikawa couldn't read, but ignored it and soon left. 

—

A few months had passed and whispers grew in his office. 

“Did you hear...” said the first. 

"I did too..." whispered the second. 

"Should we tell him...?" asked the third. 

Whispers continued to fill his workspace as Iwaizumi gathered a bunch of papers and neatly placed them in one pile. Once we had enough of the whispers, he slammed his hands on the table and asked what the others were talking about. They looked at him frightened. 

“What, is going on here!” A co worker of his had fear engraved in her eyes, pity then dragging them down. 

“I... you see... your friend... Oikawa, I believe that was his name.” He nodded. 

“And? What about him?” He felt irritated and just wanted everything to be over with...

But...

“He... word spread that he had an overdose...” the rest just faded his mind as he couldn’t help but breathe shallowly. 

His best friend... had... why? 

He then started to think about the time in which he tried to convince him to write his toast. To be his best man. 

The small touches and then the heavy regret. 

He ran... he ran out of there as fast as he could. The hospital was only a couple blocks away, so with his car he drove for a few minutes. 

He ran to the front desk. 

“Where is the room where Oikawa Tooru is at?” He quickly asked. 

“Room 204.” He wasted no time to run to the elevator. When it took too long, he decided to run up the stairs. Being in volleyball really helped with his stamina. 

“OIKAWA!” he opened the door forcefully. The former captain looked at his only friend whom he loved. That hurt look on his face made the former spiker’s heart break. 

“I...” Iwaizumi ran to him and hugged his frail frame. The other hugged him back weakly. “I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi shook his head vigorously. 

“Why didn’t I tell you...” he whispered quietly. 

“I should have told you about this shouldn’t I?” He nodded. 

“Yes! Why didn’t you!” Backing away, he looked at him like a stern father. Oikawa smiled sadly. He opened his mouth to speak but decided against it. There was a small pause before he finally decided to say something. 

“I love you Iwaizumi Hajime.” 

...

The room grew silent. 

The air became thicker and thicker. 

Oikawa felt heartbroken...

The spiker included. 

“Oikawa...” he knew. He knew it all. All along he knew and yet he said nothing. He had done nothing but made him suffer more and more each growing second, and worst of all, he had ask him to be his best man for his wedding. It was an honor to some, but it was most definitely painful for him. 

Oikawa decided to tell him everything about his past, how he fell for him, everything. 

But time can be cruel too. 

The beeping grew slow and the former team captain of Aoba Johsai grew sleepier and weaker. Iwaizumi felt horrible after everything he had told him, yet he should have replied back. 

When a life had ended at that very moment, Iwaizumi sobbed, his tears filled with pain. 

“I really should have told you...” 

But it was too late...

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my first Haikyuu angst!!


End file.
